the breakup prayer

I wrote this prayer a few weeks after I ended a 5-year relationship. A few months ago, I was looking through my journals and came across this prayer and wept. The grace and understanding that the Lord gave me during this time was unreal. I pray this letter to God gives you encouragement and a starting point for moving forward with the Lord.

                                                                                                                                                                                                      March 2022

                  To You be the glory. That is my prayer. If nothing else, may You be glorified. I would say I didn’t ask for this season, but I definitely did. Walking out on a 5-year relationship was not my plan. Leaving the guy I’ve loved for so long was not what I longed for. He was my first boyfriend, the only guy I have loved. And now he’s gone. But I asked for this. Sometimes I pray big prayers not realizing how big they actually are. If we ask, we shall receive, and I did.

                  I prayed a big prayer about 6 months ago. That You would take away any desires that weren’t from You, and that You would separate me from things that were separating me from You. So when I started to lose feelings and when I was disgusted with his complacency and when I felt distanced from You when I was with him, I now see that those things were answered prayers.

                  I thought I was broken, but it turned out that I was only looking into a broken mirror. When God hands you His mirror, how He sees you, things change. Identity floods in and your heart can breathe again. You are released from who you thought you were or who you were told to be. He is so good.

                  I have been held captive by a relationship that never put You first and never chose You or included You. And for that I ask for Your forgiveness. I am grieved by how long I allowed You to not get too involved. I kept You at arm’s length to salvage a relationship that was broken from the start. How selfish and cruel I was. I am so sorry. You sacrificed everything for me. How could I not let You invade every area of my life? How could I?

                  Since it happened, it’s been hard, but You’ve been so kind and faithful. You’ve been so gentle with my heart.  I don’t deserve it, but You granted me mercy. Above it all, I want to soak in this one-on-one time with You. I am in awe of Your kindness to lead me here. I am honored that You chose me to have uninterrupted time with You. Thank You for this precious gift of singleness! May I never waste it. Thank You for giving it to me.

Cultivate my heart to be like Yours. To beat for what Yours beats for. Help me not to waste this time. I don’t want to waste a second. To Him be the glory!         

Amen.

                  Every breakup is different, and the Lord is an intentional God. If you are walking through a breakup, turn to Him. Be honest with Him. He wants to walk through this with you. He is the only one who can heal our hearts (Psalm 147:3 & Psalm 34:18). Take this season and spend quality time with Him. I know it’s difficult, but trust that He knows best. He is the only true sustainer of our lives (Philippians 4:11-13, John 4:13-14, Psalm 55:22). He is our comfort, our joy, our peace, and our love. Abide in Him (John 15). He cares for you!