first love

You know the butterflies and sparks you feel when you’re just starting to fall for someone? When it was the first time you fell in love, and you had so many emotions? We put a lot of pressure on our first love whether that is in high school, college, or you ended up marrying that person after many years of dating. It seems that our culture places a larger weight on that first relationship than on others. I’m not sure why movies and books emphasis the importance of “first love” so much, but the thought of  “You’ll never get over that first love” is everywhere.

  Last July, I was talking with the Lord and processing out a few feelings. I was talking to Him about a previous relationship that I had ended a little over a year before. And I said something that now I see was silly but then I truly felt, “God, I feel like I messed up my first love.”

See, my previous boyfriend was my first boyfriend. We had dated for years, and he was the first guy and the only guy I have ever loved. The weight of that felt crushing in the moment and I was scared that I would never be able to love like that again. We all know those people that say, “Well there is no love like your first love. You NEVER forget them.” Ouch. For those of us who don’t end up with our high school sweetheart, those words are full of pain and hopelessness.

So that’s how I got to where I was: sitting on a porch watching fireworks burst into the sky on a July 4th night, alone, expressing all this to the Lord. As I sat with Him, He said,

“I am your first love.” (1 John 4:10)

I literally stopped in my tracks. I was absolutely speechless. He was right. He is my first love. He always has been. Even when I was unfaithful and I let other things rule my heart, He never stopped loving me and pursing me. In that moment, my heart shifted. He knew exactly what I needed to hear. His truth sets us free, thank God (John 8:31-32).

I felt a weight come off my shoulders. I realized that since God is my first love, my one great love, I never had to worry that I would not be able to love another man. See, I have learned what it looks like to have God at the center of my affections instead of a guy. The Lord has been teaching me how to let go of idols and set Him in His rightful place—the throne of my heart. When the Lord brings a man that I will love in this life, He will give me a greater capacity for that man than for the one I had before. That’s just how God works. He never gives you a deficit.

I am so grateful that I haven’t messed up my first love. God will forever be my first love for the rest of my life. I am in awe of His goodness and His faithfulness to me over the years. He is constant when I am not. He is loving when I am not. He is faithful when I am not. It doesn’t make sense to me, but He is showing me slowly day by day how to understand His love more and more.

Have you turned from your first love like I did? If so, just turn around. He is waiting for you. He wants you to return and come back to Him.

He always has loved you and He always will love you.